While there are many things to think about during wedding planning, there is always one question that we get asked by couples more often than not as planners. “Should my fiancee and I do a first look?”
Daisy & Rob’s First Look - Photo by Chromafull
First, let’s discuss what a first look even is. Traditionally, when arranged marriages were custom, it was considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony. This was because often the bride and groom had not met each other, and parents feared that if the couple met beforehand, they may change their mind about the marriage. This is also why the bride used to cover her face with a wedding veil in the past.
Recently, this superstition has become a thing of the past, and couples choose to do a “first look” before their ceremony. The couple decides to see each other in their wedding attire moments before the ceremony. It is an intimate moment which usually includes just the couple and their photographer/videographer.
Caren & Cazzie’s The First Look by Ashley Schulze Photography
Some couples want to wait until the ceremony to see each other because they believe it will make it more memorable and exciting. Others want to see each other before hand to help them feel more relaxed.
The first look can be as personalized to you and your partner as you’d like! It can be a quick hello and exchanging of gifts or letters, or you two can head off for an off site adventure on a mountain top! The first look can turn into your portrait sessions or time for you and your sweetie to eat lunch and have a drink with each other before you are joined by your guests! Just like all other aspects of your wedding day, the first look should be completely reflective of you as a couple and what you feel comfortable with!
So, back to the question: Should you do a first look or not? As we tell all our couples, the choice is yours!
There is no right or wrong way to do things - your wedding day is yours and you can keep or break any tradition you want! However, if you are still on the fence and in need of suggestions, we have put together some thoughts from our past couples and fellow vendors to help guide you in the direction that seems best for you and your partner!
Kailey & Danny
Kailey & Danny had a beautiful outdoor ceremony and tented reception at Claxton Farms.
Kailey shares her thoughts on their first look below.
Kailey & Danny’s The First Look - Photo by Christine LeGrand
“For the first look, we mainly decided to do it so that we would have enough time to enjoy the cocktail hour after the ceremony. Since it's only an hour long, we wanted to get as many pictures done before the wedding as possible so that we could enjoy talking to our guests during cocktail hour. At dinner, we are at the head table, and then once dancing starts, it's hard to interact with everyone. We felt that cocktail hour would be the best time for us to mingle with everyone. I also think it was a great way to have a moment to ourselves that day/night. If we had not done a first look, then we would have been taking our pictures with all of the guests there too after the ceremony and it wouldn't really have been as private of a moment for Danny and I. It took off the pressure of rushing through photos, and gave us a chance to exchange letters before the ceremony. I'm very happy that we did it that way, and wouldn't change it!”
Jen & Ben
Jen & Ben had a wonderful, outdoor ceremony at The Ridge, followed by an amazing reception at The Century Room at Pack’s Tavern.
Here are some notes from the bride about why they decided to wait until the ceremony to see each other:
“We initially went back and forth and were going to do a first look - most people said that it was a stress reliever and we thought, why not, it might make for some good photos. When Ben and I talked further, we decided not to based on family conversations, but not having one also began make more sense to us over time. We both decided we wanted to add a bit of tradition to our ceremony, have the anticipation of seeing each other for the first time at the ends of the aisle, and ensuring that the groom did not get robbed of that emotional moment. We are so grateful we decided not to have one and wouldn't change a thing!”
Kaitey & Kevin
Kaitey and Kevin shared a first look before their ceremony at the Graham Chapel. After the ceremony, guests enjoyed a beautiful reception at the Crest Pavilion.
Here are her thoughts on their first look:
“We loved doing our first look. We chose to do a first look because it cut down on picture time after the ceremony and allowed us to enjoy more time with our guests at the reception. Since we had some time with each other before the ceremony it gave our photographers a great opportunity to capture us in that moment. I would recommend it to anyone!”
As we mentioned before, typically, the only people involved in a first look are the couple and their photographer and/or videographer. So, we decided to ask a few of our vendor friends their opinions about the first look. Here’s what we received!
“Selfishly as a photographer, I am totally for a first look, especially if the wedding has around 100 guest or more. For the bride and groom, it guarantees a time on their wedding day when they will have a moment together to enjoy each other and to have an intimate moment. It relieves anxiety for some couples as well.
Sometimes a hug from your snuggle bug can be a game changer. :-) As a photographer, having a first look creates a moment for creative portraits while the couple is "fresh" and sober. Lol Just Kidding, but not really! This is also a wonderful time to take family photos as well. Everyone can be done with portraits prior to the wedding and actually get to enjoy cocktail hour! Woohoo! Overall, it makes the timeline easier for everyone.” - Ryan Bumgarner
Ariel with AMW Studios shares different perspectives on doing a first look or waiting until the ceremony:
“Couple’s who opt to do a first look have more time together on their wedding day. …one of the comments I hear most often from my couples (usually when I sneak them out for sunset pictures) is “wow we’re having a blast but holy cow our wedding day is flying past and we haven’t spent any time together! If you think you might be nervous/anxious planning on doing a first look and seeing your partner pre-ceremony is a great way to calm your nerves. This will allow you to be more calm and in the moment during your ceremony. A first look definitely does not spoil the emotion you will feel when walking down the aisle during “game time”. Oftentimes I feel like doing a first look actually heightens the emotion you feel because your nerves are calm and that allows you to feel more deeply the excitement you have about marrying your best friend.”
“If the tradition of waiting to see each other until the ceremony is important to you or your partner go with your gut and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing a first look.
Often times lighting wise it actually makes more sense to wait and do pictures afterwards. If you’re having a 5pm ceremony in the summertime, lighting during your first look isn’t ideal. The light is harsh and you end up wanting to take more photo’s after the ceremony anyways. Your dress will probably get slightly dirty. Yes we can be careful and avoid playing in mud puddles but unless we stick to a clean carpet or recently swept floor let’s face it, you’re doing to attract some dirt. I want you to have fun during your pictures, dance, move, feel relaxed. If you’re going to be stressed about rocking a bit of dirt a first look might not be a good choice.”
Max Cooper
Max shares perspectives on doing a first look and waiting until the ceremony to see each other:
“As a photographer, I love first looks. My clients hire me for my candid, organic style, not my posed formal portraits, and having a first look allows the me to get started on (and maybe finished with!) the formals before the ceremony even begins. That frees me up to do my best work, and it frees the couple, the family, and the entire wedding party up to be themselves and enjoy the evening. And that's when the really unforgettable photos happen, when people feel free to be themselves!
On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for the suspense created when the couple waits until the ceremony to see each other. The whole wedding party feels it, and there are often some really poignant moments that present themselves when one group is trying to hide from the other. Picture bridal party hilarity while the ladies are holed up in a church Sunday School room, or groomsmen using their jackets to blindfold the groom. And of course there are folks who don't want to let go of the tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony, and I strongly believe we should honor that when the couple feels it.”
Wildwood Media
Jen with Wildwood Media shares experiences, both as a photographer and a bride, about why she loves the first look:
“I am 100% PRO first look - I have noticed at every wedding, after the first look, the stress, the nerves, everything seems to become so much more relaxed after that first look! Everyone seems to settle and be able to start to enjoy the festivities at that point. Plus, I know from my own wedding that after the ceremony, you spend the whole rest of the evening mingling and visiting with your guests and you really don’t get THAT much time with your husband/wife at that point. The first look allows you time to have just for the two of you to enjoy a few quiet moments before all the fun starts :)”
Magic Hour Creative
Bob with Magic Hour Creative shares his creative take on the first look as a videographer:
“Some of the best moments in our films happen with the first look, which is usually the most intimate moment of a wedding day. Sure, your vows, first dance, cake cutting are all special moments you do together, but this is the one part of the day when you can really connect with each other without being surrounded by guests. Not only do you get to spend more time with each other on the biggest day of your lives, this can also be helpful to maximize your time with friends and family at the reception, because you can get all your bridal party photos out of the way before the ceremony.”
JCM Photography
Joe with JCM Photography shares his opinions on the subject:
“…when we ask most couples “If you were to put in order of which photos are most important to you, what would be number 1?” most usually answer golden hour couples photos. So one consideration to have a first look is timing. If you’re having a later in the evening ceremony and you’re going to be cutting it close with that sunset, you may want to consider a first look to get at least some couples photos beforehand.
Another popular reason to have a first look amongst many of the awesome couples we have worked with throughout the years is nerves! It’s also an opportunity to read your vows to each other beforehand which from what we have seen is always moving. We usually capture a beautifully genuine reaction during this time, and …this is one of the few times during the entire day that you two will have a moment alone (plus a photographer/videographer).”
You can read more about their thoughts on the first look on their blog post as well - linked here.
a great alternative:
the first touch
If you are unsure about whether or not a first look is the right option for you and fiance, another alternative is the first touch! It is a special moment between the bride and groom before the ceremony and can be done in different ways - some couples choose to hold hands, exchange gifts or letters, or even exchange personal vows before they are joined by their guests.
Ariel, with AMW Studios, also shared some great thoughts on the first touch:
“It was incredibly sweet and gave them time to be together without actually seeing each other prior to her walk down the aisle. Your photographer can find a beautiful spot where you can be close but not visible to each other. We’ve had a few different couples choose to do this and it always calms any nerves. One couple chose to exchange private/personal vows to each other (separate from the ones uttered during their ceremony in front of their friends and family). Another couple didn’t even exchange cards they simply wanted to hold each others hands before they said I their I do’s.”
We hope that the thoughts shared above by past couples and wedding industry professionals help guide you and your significant other in the best direction for your wedding day! As we said before, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do things, but it always helps to have perspective from others!
